Monster Raving Loony Party Conference Returns To Belper

The 36th Monster Raving Loony Party Conference is happening in Belper, in the same location as last year’s “Belter in Belper” conference.

Where: The George and Dragon, 117 Bridge Street, Belper, DE56 1BA
When: Thurs 26-Fri 27- Sat 28th Sept.

The conference offers the following line-up of activities:

Thursday/Fri
Meet and greet and discussion of possible future policies.

Friday
Gareth Icke – the son of David, Live from Chicago via London, the “world famous” Mr Joe Jammer -it’s his birthday, Gripper & the Gurnards, and Badaxe – Britain’s most banned act!

Saturday
Meet 12 noon for town walkabout (Pub Crawl) spreading the word, including occasional live dancing from the famous Black Pig Border Morris. Then back to the pub for their “world renowned” cabinet reshuffle, and the leader’s speech. There will be entertainment from Man Pant, The Big Fibbers, and BB Black Dog. This will be followed by the main attraction, Dr Diablo and the Rodent show.

They will also be celebrating the party leader, Howling “Laud” Hope, becoming Britain’s longest serving party leader, with a tenure of 20 yrs.

Howling “Laud” Hope will be at the George and Dragon from Thursday 19th September, and said, “so if you want to make a week of it, you won’t be alone.  See you all there with your silliest head on.”

The Facebook Event can be found HERE
.

The Current Manicfesto

“We will stand on a platform of free woollen hats for all, so we can pull the wool over people’s eyes.

Taxation.

Tax payers to receive Nectar Points from HMRC

Nationalisation.

The Loony Party will nationalise all political parties … and if they don’t keep their manifesto promises … we will sell ’em off.
We will nationalise crime to make sure it doesn’t pay.

Austerity

Due to the fact that the Government have made cuts in almost everything around. the Loony Party proposes to cut the letters of the alphabet.
Starting with the letters N. H. and S.

Educational funding

The Loony Party proposes that all schools would have a jumble sale or fete or other fundraising event at least twice per month to help raise funds for those little extras.. such as desks, books, paper, pens etc.

Electoral Change

The Loony Party propose that voters will get a 30 day cooling off period during which, if you change your mind, didn’t like the result, or didn’t know what you were voting for, you can get your vote back.

Reduce the voting age to 16 (carried forward from our 1983 manicfesto) ..(nicked by Labour))

Immigration policy

One in one out (carried forward from our 2015 manicfesto (nicked by UKIP)

Pensions or How to get the grey vote…

In keeping with the Labour Party’s latest bid to get one or two pensioners to vote for them, they have brought out a new policy guaranteeing the Triple lock on pensions until 2025 if they get voted in. The Loony Party of course will go one better and buy a very large padlock.

Defense

We shall replace the Trident missile.. with a three pronged fork.

ECONOMY & PENSIONS

We will further complicate the UK tax system so that large companies can no longer find loopholes.

ENVIRONMENT

We will change the English symbol of three lions to 3 badgers. How often do you see lions running round the countryside?
All Food sold in fast food establishments should be clearly marked “May contain traces of real food”

SOCIAL HOUSING & DEMOCRACY

All Social Media sites to be taken down for one day a year for a “Remember when we used to talk” day.

Transport

We will only paint yellow lines where you CAN park.
We will rename the current Oyster travel cards, “Sardine Cards” to better reflect the experience when travelling on public transport.”

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