Monster Raving Loony Party Conference Returns To Belper
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The 36th Monster Raving Loony Party Conference is happening in Belper, in the same location as last year’s “Belter in Belper” conference.
Where: The George and Dragon, 117 Bridge Street, Belper, DE56 1BA
When: Thurs 26-Fri 27- Sat 28th Sept.
The conference offers the following line-up of activities:
Thursday/Fri
Meet and greet and discussion of possible future policies.
Friday
Gareth Icke – the son of David, Live from Chicago via London, the “world famous” Mr Joe Jammer -it’s his birthday, Gripper & the Gurnards, and Badaxe – Britain’s most banned act!
Saturday
Meet 12 noon for town walkabout (Pub Crawl) spreading the word, including occasional live dancing from the famous Black Pig Border Morris. Then back to the pub for their “world renowned” cabinet reshuffle, and the leader’s speech. There will be entertainment from Man Pant, The Big Fibbers, and BB Black Dog. This will be followed by the main attraction, Dr Diablo and the Rodent show.
They will also be celebrating the party leader, Howling “Laud” Hope, becoming Britain’s longest serving party leader, with a tenure of 20 yrs.
Howling “Laud” Hope will be at the George and Dragon from Thursday 19th September, and said, “so if you want to make a week of it, you won’t be alone. See you all there with your silliest head on.”
The Facebook Event can be found HERE
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The Current Manicfesto
“We will stand on a platform of free woollen hats for all, so we can pull the wool over people’s eyes.
Taxation.
Tax payers to receive Nectar Points from HMRC
Nationalisation.
The Loony Party will nationalise all political parties … and if they don’t keep their manifesto promises … we will sell ’em off.
We will nationalise crime to make sure it doesn’t pay.
Austerity
Due to the fact that the Government have made cuts in almost everything around. the Loony Party proposes to cut the letters of the alphabet.
Starting with the letters N. H. and S.
Educational funding
The Loony Party proposes that all schools would have a jumble sale or fete or other fundraising event at least twice per month to help raise funds for those little extras.. such as desks, books, paper, pens etc.
Electoral Change
The Loony Party propose that voters will get a 30 day cooling off period during which, if you change your mind, didn’t like the result, or didn’t know what you were voting for, you can get your vote back.
Reduce the voting age to 16 (carried forward from our 1983 manicfesto) ..(nicked by Labour))
Immigration policy
One in one out (carried forward from our 2015 manicfesto (nicked by UKIP)
Pensions or How to get the grey vote…
In keeping with the Labour Party’s latest bid to get one or two pensioners to vote for them, they have brought out a new policy guaranteeing the Triple lock on pensions until 2025 if they get voted in. The Loony Party of course will go one better and buy a very large padlock.
Defense
We shall replace the Trident missile.. with a three pronged fork.
ECONOMY & PENSIONS
We will further complicate the UK tax system so that large companies can no longer find loopholes.
ENVIRONMENT
We will change the English symbol of three lions to 3 badgers. How often do you see lions running round the countryside?
All Food sold in fast food establishments should be clearly marked “May contain traces of real food”
SOCIAL HOUSING & DEMOCRACY
All Social Media sites to be taken down for one day a year for a “Remember when we used to talk” day.
Transport
We will only paint yellow lines where you CAN park.
We will rename the current Oyster travel cards, “Sardine Cards” to better reflect the experience when travelling on public transport.”
I just watched you too, and I think you a wonderfully inspiring lady. I read this and it is exactly what is happening to me. I have sold everything I have, games, DVD’s, my textbooks for the degree I was studying which I have had to give up on (in year 2), because I can’t afford the train fare any more. My radio, mirrors, clothes. I would have sold the telly but it stopped working (typical) so we have resurrected my son’s little one. Even my beloved camera which I was hoping to make professional use of, and I have pawned my late parents’ rings just to try to raise the rent since the Council stopped my Housing benefit in November. My family have never had money, but my Dad worked his arse off all his life to buy a house for us and then he dropped down dead. My Mum ended up in a care home and when she died it was sold to pay the care home bill. Because they think I should have savings left the Council stopped my benefit, and all these months later they are still asking for proof of a bank account which does not exist, and another that was defunct years ago. It wasn’t always like this. I worked for Customs & Excise for 19 years (irony), and have had lots of on and off jobs (the last one was a great job at Morrisons Deli, but it was hard to work weekends with a 12 year old son and an obstructive ex-partner who decided to stop me having him! I don’t mean to go on about my own problems, just to highlight the fact that there are many many reasons why people end up in the proverbial – and the Government and politicians cannot see this. What happens when you’ve nothing left to sell? I am doing all the things you have done right now, and I really admire your resilience, courage, and determination. And oh yes – one more thing – All this job searching has highlighted something else to me – and that is how many jobs nowadays are VOLUNTEER jobs and internships. I’ve seen so many jobs, particularly in the recycling and environment area, which are great worthwhile jobs but which do not pay any wages at all. I notice the Government don’t ever consider this in their insistence that we can all get a job instead of sitting on our SKINNY butts smoking drinking and CHAVVING about. Keep up the great work hun!