Jud’s Jottings: At The Doctors – Part One

I took a trip t’ doctors. I say a trip. It were more of a stumble as I went through automatic doors.

Receptionist gave me a glare so I purrit in me pocket for later.

Then she said “Tek a seat.”

I said to ‘er “Can’t I tek one next time I come, only I’m on bus today.”

She gave me another glare. That went in opposite pocket. It sorta balanced things out.

I sat down. Then I sat up. Life’s full o’ contradictions.

I found mesen next to a young woman who were ‘odin’ this thing in ‘er ‘and. She were watching tele on it.

“What’s tha’ got there?” I axed.

“It’s an ipad,” she said.

“A what?” I axed.

“A tablet” she said.

Now each to ‘is own burra couldn’t ‘elp thinkin’ it’d tek a bit o’ swallowing.

Then I ‘eard door oppen. I looked. Well it were summat to do.

That’s when the stranger sat next t’ me. “’ow do,” ‘e sez. “’ow do,” I replied. I thought politeness was the order of the day. Don’t get that mixed up with catch of the day. If it ‘ad been catch of the day I’d be in chip shop waiting for me repeat prescription and an anal examination.

By now stranger ‘ad snuggled up close. I wouldn’t mind but nobody’s sat on me knee since wife in 1968. I thought if he pulls out a bag o’ wine gums I’m outta ‘ere.

By this time my number ‘ad bin called. Y’see y’ get one o’ them tickets like on deli in supermarket. I were so confused by now that I asked for a quarter o’ ox tongue and half a pound of sausages.

That’s when I put me ‘and in pocket and gave the stranger a glare. It would ‘ave been a stare but I’d used all me s’s and t’s at the checkout in Morrrisons.

At this point the young woman next to me picked up ‘er shoppin’ bag. It were full o’ them ipads.

“You’ve rather a lot o’ them ipads,” I said to’er. “’ow did ya get them?”

“Pinched ’em,” she replied.

“Why?” I axed.

“Doctor tode me t’ keep takin’ tablets.”

I’ll tell thi rest next time. See ya’.

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